For Bissan I sit on the balcony of our historic and luxurious hotel room just outside the city of Beirut, up in the mountains, away from the smog and petrol fumes that perpetually choke the city. Here, the air is crisp and clean. Fuchsia Bougainvillea spills over walls and climbs up fences and the scent … More Confronting My Privilege
Ethan snuggles under my arm. After breastfeeding for a while, he wriggles into a comfortable position. His little hand starts to grope around in the dark, moving across my face, to my ears, and then settling on my hair. I can feel him playing with my hair, twirling it in my fingers, sometimes pulling it … More Ethan
Like many people, the last few days I have been fixated on the news coming out of Ukraine – doom scrolling Twitter, discussing the events with my husband, and spending many hours thinking about the people – the families fleeing, the civilians taking up arms, the baby born in the metro station. Over the coming … More What Might it be Like?
The glass crunches beneath my feet, thousands of tiny shards piercing my skin, leaving a trail of crimson footprints in my wake. I am running, racing for help, my two-year-old son in my arms, whimpering quietly. A woman sees me and screams, her face recoiling. I don’t know it at the time, I can’t feel … More Rivers of Glass
I miss my engagement ring. I feel like I shouldn’t say that, but I do. It was beautiful. A half carat solitaire diamond set in a simple band of white gold. My husband bought it in Singapore, and, typical of him, he didn’t just buy something that looked pretty, but did considerable research beforehand. He … More Counting Our Losses
To my darling boy, my fat fat, my bubbalou, my heart and soul, How can I possibly put into words everything that you mean to me or begin to describe the gaping hole that has forever been left in my heart? Absolutely nothing I write will ever be remotely adequate. My Darling Boy, you did … More To My Darling Boy
One year ago, a devastating explosion ripped through the city of Beirut, killing over 200 people, including my two-year-old son Isaac Oehlers, the youngest victim of the blast. Every night since that horrific day, I have gone through the same ritual. Climbing into bed, I cuddle one of Isaac’s favourite teddy bears close to me … More Justice for Isaac
Sometimes, the grief creeps its way up though my body until it reaches my chest. Suddenly, I feel like a hand wraps around my heart and crushes it with an almighty force. My throat closes and I can’t breathe.
This is what grief looks and feels like for me. … More Stages of Grief
When Isaac was just over four months old, he was baptised in the Catholic Church. I am not religious, but my husband Craig was raised Catholic and it was important to him and his family, so I agreed. Truth be told, despite my initial hesitation, it was a lovely day. We held the ceremony in … More The Speech
On 4 August 2020, I lived through something that defies comprehension – the Beirut explosion, which destroyed most of the city and took with it the life of my two-year-old son, Isaac. I can recall the moment when the scale of what we had lived through, and lost, in the Beirut explosion really started to dawn on … More The Losses That Define Me
Sarah Yvonne 