Counting Our Losses

I miss my engagement ring. I feel like I shouldn’t say that, but I do. It was beautiful. A half carat solitaire diamond set in a simple band of white gold. My husband bought it in Singapore, and, typical of him, he didn’t just buy something that looked pretty, but did considerable research beforehand. He … More Counting Our Losses

To My Darling Boy

To my darling boy, my fat fat, my bubbalou, my heart and soul, How can I possibly put into words everything that you mean to me or begin to describe the gaping hole that has forever been left in my heart? Absolutely nothing I write will ever be remotely adequate. My Darling Boy, you did … More To My Darling Boy

Justice for Isaac

One year ago, a devastating explosion ripped through the city of Beirut, killing over 200 people, including my two-year-old son Isaac Oehlers, the youngest victim of the blast. Every night since that horrific day, I have gone through the same ritual. Climbing into bed, I cuddle one of Isaac’s favourite teddy bears close to me … More Justice for Isaac

Stages of Grief

Sometimes, the grief creeps its way up though my body until it reaches my chest. Suddenly, I feel like a hand wraps around my heart and crushes it with an almighty force. My throat closes and I can’t breathe.

This is what grief looks and feels like for me. … More Stages of Grief

Can the Lebanese Investigation Deliver Justice?

On 10 March 2021, I spoke on a panel for a high-level side event to the 46th Human Rights Council. Hosted by Legal Action Worldwide and Human Rights Watch, the topic of the panel was “The 4 August Beirut Explosion: Can the Lebanese Investigation Deliver Justice?” Panelists included Ralph Tarraf, Ambassador of the European Union … More Can the Lebanese Investigation Deliver Justice?

The Speech

When Isaac was just over four months old, he was baptised in the Catholic Church. I am not religious, but my husband Craig was raised Catholic and it was important to him and his family, so I agreed. Truth be told, despite my initial hesitation, it was a lovely day. We held the ceremony in … More The Speech

Awake at Night

Ever since I started writing about my grief for Isaac, the response has been overwhelming. I have been contacted by so many people showing support and sharing their own stories of loss. I also had the honour of being contacted by Melissa Fleming, the head of United Nations global communications. Melissa invited me to be … More Awake at Night

Five Months

Five months ago, my son died. As I write these words and read them over and over again, they are so incomprehensible that they might as well be in a foreign language. Again and again I read them, unable to grasp that they relate to me, that they form part of my story. These words … More Five Months